How To Become "Derby Famous"

Roller derby is a sport that pays us in ego boosts, isn't it?

Having done quite a bit of independent study on psychology and basic human needs... it's not hard to see that Significance is the one we get from roller derby. 

There just aren't too many other pursuits a woman can pick up randomly and automatically gain a greater respect from strangers. Just for doing it, you don't even have to be good at it! And have you noticed how people light up at the mere mention of the the words "roller derby," without even knowing anything about it? It's special, and we all need to feel special about something. 

I was never the cool kid in any of my younger years. Since my family moved to a new town every year, I was usually the New Kid, and pre-braces was the buck toothed kid as well. But I always had my eye on the cool kids. I wanted to be liked, but didn't have the confidence to know how. 

So, imagine my surprise when I got to be kind of "popular" in roller derby! I was like... Sally Fields giving an acceptance speech... And I still kind of am! I love love, so getting it makes me happy. I'm not gonna pretend I don't love it, what could be better than being well received? 

People get "Derby Famous" for various reasons, (not all of them positive) and I can't speak for anyone else. But I can say that for me, there's one word that says it all, and that word is: CONTRIBUTION.

I've given a lot to the community, and will give even more in the future. And if you did that, people would want to read your blog, watch your videos, and hear what you have to say on various topics, too! 

Basically: what you give is what you get. So if you want more, give more. It's a simple formula, I don't know why more people don't use it. But it's never too late to start making your mark on the derby world, or even just your own league, or any place in the world, really. Just give people something that they need.

Here's some things we all need: skate skills, fitness knowledge, inspiration, laughter, love, nutrition information, quality products, fun gifts and cool clothes, sincere praise and good stories. 

If you look at some of the more successful blogs/people/businesses in roller derby... You'll see that they're not just taking, they're giving something really valuable, too. That's what makes them popular, and that's a big part of what defines your level of awesome, I believe. 

My personal and LiveLoveDerby business decisions about who to partner with are largely decided on by the other party's level of sincere contribution. How about you? What's your contribution? xoxo

Who Are We Talking To Anyway?

One conversation that feels like it needs to happen, and is in many places, is who the hell is our audience?

When a roller derby league posts on Facebook, or announcers cover a bout, or bloggers blog, haters hate, lovers love, and Tweeters tweet... Who are we talking to? Each other? "Fans"? Are we consistent?

I've been talking to other skaters, and I'm sure I'll always want to do that, since skaters are most of my favorite people. But I see a need in the sport to do a little less... forgive me for the directness here... conversational masturbation, and get people who don't play involved, engaged and interested too.

Roller derby is too wonderful to just keep passing around to ourselves like we can keep it a secret or something. The outside-world is interested in roller derby more and more each day. So... what to do in preparation for that?

If you knew a bunch of "strangers" were looking at your FB page every day, would you word things differently? Would you accommodate, and include them in your conversations, or prefer to set your profile to Private?

I'm not saying I have all the answers, like the last blog, I'm in a reflective phase right now. Collecting ideas and marinating on them before coming to any real conclusions...

As a start, I realize that if I want to be a force of the publicizing of roller derby, then I would need to consider being as conversationally inclusive as possible, talking to more than just... us.. And maintain a certain amount of boundaries, too.

After taking a look at some athlete profiles on Twitter, I noticed that they could be talking to anyone, and it seems to make what they have to say fairly interesting most of the time, since you don't have to play their sport to know what they're talking about. What do you think? Who are you talking to? xoxo

Swearing In Front Of Juniors?

This is a blog post I hope I can get a lot of feedback on, especially from parents of Junior Skaters!

So... one thing I struggle with frequently is my words when coaching Juniors. They know I swear, I know they swear, but there's a social norm that says we're not supposed to do it around each other, or I'm a terrible role model.

But... THEY KNOW I SWEAR ALL THE TIME, just not around them.

This isn't like... a new thing for me. It's who I am! I got kicked out of the Girl Scouts and a church group for young women for swearing. And there were kids in the neighborhood who couldn't play with me because their parents heard me swearing.

Some people think swearing is for the ignorant: not me. I entered college as an English Major with 12 scholarships for writing essays in 1999. (Tied for most scholarships in my graduating class.) I'm educated, I'm articulate, and "fuck" has always been my favorite word.

So, my question is: which is MORE irresponsible:

A) Being less than genuine around the future generation: essentially treating them like they don't need to see the full-on real me.

B) Potentially setting a standard that says: say whatever the fuck you want, even if some people don't like it, potentially disrespecting parents of Juniors.

I'm not giving advice here, I'm asking for help! I need insight. Because the truth is that I consider coaching impressionable young women a great responsibility, that I do want to honor to the fullest. But I also want to be who I am: which is an example of a generally happy person, ambitious, sporty and... expressive! Some of them need that example. But is it disrespectful to their parents?

It's a subject I'll have to reflect on quite a bit in the coming months. Send me your thoughts at Bonnie@LiveLoveDerby.com   xoxo

MP3 Seminars Of Isabelle Ringer

One of my best friends in the world is Isabelle Ringer. Because Ringer and I are such good friends, people think we're alike, but honestly: we think totally differently.

Ringer's very logical and pragmatic (whereas my approach often has metaphysical leanings) and as much as I love my own perspective: I surround myself w/inspiring people who have much to offer and are fun to learn from on purpose.

What we both have in common is that we are studious as shit. And we swear a lot. So if you like my MP3s, you'll love hers! Educated, and totally real. Honest stories and sited sources. Here's previews of the 3 new MP3s:

1) Becoming A Great Leader. Ringer's an amazing leader, from Pivoting, to Team Captain, to GM of SDDD: she knocks it out the park with hard work, study, and true dedication.

2) Deliberate Practice.  She was voted SDDD's 2012 Coach Of The Year for a reason! Ringer (and I) are huge proponents of Deliberate Practice: a phrase every Athlete and Coach would be wise to learn and love!

3) It's About More Skating. This features both of us, and the kind of stuff we talk about privately: what derby means... and could mean, when we decide to make about more than skating.

If you're hungry to always grow and learn more about this sport and evolve your own role in it, my guess is that you'll enjoy these very much! http://shop.bonniedstroir.com/ xoxo

LiveLoveDerby: What Does It Mean??

As it says on my Facebook profile:  "LiveLoveDerby is my brand, philosophy and lifestyle." Breakdown:

LIVE:  It was early on that roller derby became my friend, lover, and full time job. Sans the money part, but I always just figured, if I keep investing in this one thing with all my available resources (life), someday derby will pay me back. In the mean time, I would let nothing get in the way of exploring my potential to grow and expand through roller derby.

Because I found, also early on, that every aspect of this sport/culture was going to challenge me, break my heart, and expose through the cracks and while healing: I could be better. I could be a better skater, I could become a leader, and I could be a better person through the lessons learned in roller derby. So I just kept coming back for more, no matter how many times I got knocked down, physically or emotionally.

LOVE: I would have quit after the first 2 or 3 years if I was doing it all just for me. For sure. That's when the selfish love/novelty of it all just kind of died. And many skaters don't make it past this point, do they? But I found a love so deep for the sport and the people in roller derby, and the potential for who we could reach with it, that I would frequently overwhelm people with my passionate energy. Still do from time to time... OK, maybe really often... But... the love I have isn't sometimes, it's a way of life. Derby God has always been good to me for this: the more I give the more I get. So that's where all the coaching, videos, blogs, and fun posts on Facebook come from. I just love this sport so much and enjoy sharing that with other people whenever I can.

DERBY: What can I say? Roller derby saved my soul. It gave me a purpose, a method to define and refine myself, an outlet for so much passion that was not exactly being channeled in a positive manner pre-derby... Roller derby, to me, is a perfect sport.

I'm a mostly happy person, but sometimes I just need to fuck shit up. I got kicked out of soccer games for being too aggressive. I got kicked out of Girl Scouts for swearing... I've finally found a team sport where none of that's an issue! 9 years later, I still wear my own ass out trying to get better every single practice. I love the game. There's an endless list of challenges, and I fucking love it.

LiveLoveDerby is not just a brand for me, it's an explanation of who I am as a person, and what I bring to everything I produce. So if you get one of the products on my website, know that this is the vibe of your learning materials. I love to teach and share: (thank Derby God that I happen to be skilled at that!) but really: I'm just sharing the love as often as I can, in as many ways as I can, and hoping that I've been consistent enough about that over the years that people will feel like spending the time and the money on anything I produce is always going to be worthwhile, and apply to roller derby in a very relevant way, physically, emotionally, and spiritually if you want that.

My goal with LiveLoveDerby, as a brand, is that you always get far more in value than the cost of the product. I believe in this, which is why I encourage your honest reviews on my website, Twitter, email, anywhere you want! If you want to help me get better with your feedback, that's always going to be welcome. Cuz that's kind of what I'm all about xoxo

3 Reasons To Fall In Love w/Ronda Rousey

Never heard of Ronda Rousey?

Well, she's a woman making history in MMA right now. Why should the roller derby world be inspired by a fighter, when we spend half our PR hours explaining to lay-people that we don't fight? I'll give you the top 3 reasons I admire the holy fuck out of this (young) woman, and let you come to your own conclusions.

1) She's a muthafuckin badass. Right now she's the Champion in women's MMA, an Olympic medalist in judo, and she trains like an animal. 

2) She's Mouthy. I'm personally of the belief that there are plenty of humble, praise-deflecting female athletes in the world, and we don't necessarily need more of that. What we DO need, are more women who know their worth, are fully standing in their power in every interview, and enjoy shining.

3) She's Opening Doors For Us. Whether you know it or not, Ronda is opening doors for all women who participate in alternative sports by being the first woman accepted as UFC fighter, and headlining a fight card of otherwise ALL MALE fights.

Not only that, her opponent, Liz Carmouche is the first openly gay fighter in all of MMA. Please support women making history by following Liz and Ronda on Twitter and watching the fight if you're inclined to support women who make history.

Regardless of how you feel about fighting, this is an historical win and we will all benefit from the door being open. Once it's open even a crack, I feel we have an obligation to help each other bust it off its hinges and turn that shit into a wide-open corridor for the next generation. xoxo

Non Derby Related? A Story From Home

Everything to me, is roller derby related. But this is mostly just story time, I guess. It's the story of me flipping the fuck out over a teenaged girl holding a sign outside of Rite Aid, yesterday.

I must warn you in advance: this is an emo blog post! 

So I'm riding my beach cruiser to Rite Aid and there's a sweet faced girl, curly red hair, bright blue eyes, freckles, and dressed like a nor-cal-bro huddled on the ground, holding a sign that says "Bet you $1 you'll read this sign." 

You've seen those before, right?

Well, I didn't even know what was happening before I was asking this girl a thousand questions.
How old are you? Why are you here? You're young and healthy, why don't you have a job?

And before I could let her think I was another concerned adult trying to make her feel bad:
I'm not judging you, I'm really just trying to understand.

She just looked like a Junior Doll to me. Someone's daughter. Full of youth and promise, what the fuck was she doing here, begging for money??? It fucked me up, and while she told me her story (15, kicked out, sleeping under a bush), I just started crying, which seemed to confuse both of us.

For the record: I don't believe anything a desperate person says. I've been in survival mode before, when I was her age. You'll say anything and do anything to get your needs met. So it wasn't her story I was upset by, because I was pretty sure she was making it all up.

It was that fucking sign. Who's been influencing this girl, or not, to believe that she can get more from other people than she can make happen for herself??? I just felt so awful that no one ever empowered her to want more for herself than that.

By the time our interaction was done, she had 20 of my dollars, 3 of my hugs, a copy of Living the Law Of Attraction, and 30 minutes of my undivided attention. I asked if I could sit with her and chat for a bit?

I had a question for her that she seemed to be answering for the first time: What are your dreams?
She has a beautiful dream: to be an artist. To ride around in an RV with a dog and paint supplies, traveling and painting. I cried again when she shared this with me. She's probably never met such a big, tattooed cry baby.

Why was this so emotional for me?

It's real the reason I quit playing sports when I was her age: because I'd left home, was already working a job and paying rent, and bending over backwards to please my friend's family so they wouldn't kick me out. And then, when I moved to California, it's because my Aunt Susan was taking me in. What would have happened to me if she didn't?

Where would I be without the power of my own self-reliance and self-convictions, in addition to this outside help? Where would I be if my destiny relied entirely on the generosity of others?? Or completely without the benefit of it??

These are the kinds of things we talked about. I get being a purist, I get loving what you love so much that you don't want to do anything that isn't love. I believe that's how people are supposed to live! You're supposed to do what you love! But here was a young idealist: willing to do nothing else.

And I found myself saying something I probably needed to hear as much as she did:

If you work full time at a job, part time on your passion, eventually you'll get to work full time on your passion, part time on your job. (Jim Rohn quote, and then I heard myself adding) And when you've reached the point of mastery, you'll be a full time artist. But you have to master it first, before you get to live the lifestyle of a master. And for that, you've gotta work!

I bargained with her, I've given you 20 times what that sign was asking. What am I asking for in return? Not for me, I may never see you again. What am I asking you to do for yourself?

She knew I wanted her to tear that sign up, get a fucking job and take care of herself like she deserved. 

I have never, and will never tell a homeless person to "Get a job." That's abhorrent behavior. I don't tell adults what to do. But this wasn't an adult, this was the future. I felt like how I handled this situation was very important. When I left, I hugged her again, got on my bike, as I rode off, called back:

I'm not trying to save you, because I don't believe you're lost. You look like you're on a journey to me. I just really hope I've been able to inspire you. Have an amazing day, and an amazing life!

And when she called to me, "Thank you, Merry Christmas!" I cried again. Because I think I really reached her. And if everything I ever went through in my life was just leading up to that one moment of inspiring that one girl, then I'd say all the pain of my past was more than worth it.

It made me realize that I have totally become the kind of person my teenaged self would be inspired by. It made me realize that by hustling, working, AND pursuing my passion doggedly, I am my own hero.

So, I'm not sure if she did more for me, by gifting me that realization, or if I did more for her, by being someone an idealistic, rebel teenager can look up to and relate to. (something I never had.) Either way it's a gift. A gift that I am honored, and humbled and yes, crying at the thought of, receiving. So I share that gift with you, along with the wish that you're doing the work to live your dreams, too. Whatever they may be.