Can I just say that I love seeing people like Nicki Minaj in the media? She's sometimes skinny, sometimes has a little chunk on her. This is a body that I can relate to.
I'm not someone who calls meatier women "real," as if thin people are somehow imaginary, or anything less than deserving of their own shape and self esteem. I love and appreciate that people come in all sizes.
It's just that my size is different all the time, and I don't see a lot of people like that in the media.
I lovelovelove roller derby, but sometimes I get stressed the fuck out. And you know what happens? I gain weight. My body really responds well to exercise, though. So when I get extra motivated, you know what happens? I get smaller!
The problem is, if you do the same exercises all the time, the body gets bored and stops registering stuff like... years of roller derby... as exercise!
So, in order to stay in shape, I have to mix up the exercise all the time. Always doing something different, which I don't always have the extra time or resources, or (let's be honest) motivation to do.
(Time and resources somehow magically rearrange themselves when you're seriously motivated, don't they?)
It's the motivation that comes and goes. Which, intellectually, I consider natural. If every other element of the natural world moves in seasons and cycles, why would human motivation be any different?
I'm learning to ride those tides and be ok with the fact that sometimes I'll be thick, and sometimes I'll be thin. And that doesn't have to change what an awesome person I am, how well I can do what I can do, or whether I've earned my self esteem or not.
I've met very few honest people who can say that their size doesn't effect their self image. Those I have met, I totally admire for this quality.
I'm not totally there yet. But I'm learning! xoxo