Friday, August 17, 2012

Jealousy vs Inspiration

So... this is definitely not the first time I've written or talked about jealousy in roller derby, and it probably won't be the last, either.


Because we women still have a lot to learn in the "empowerment" department. Empowerment doesn't work one way, it works in all directions. If you want it, you have to give it. If you give it, you also have to receive it. (Graciously)

It's that whole, "what goes around, comes around" thing, in action.

I have a quote for you that people hearing The Puppy Talk on this tour have enjoyed:
"Jealousy is inspiration that just doesn't know how to be yet."

I've had people be mean and jealous towards me in person, and then when I see them a few years later... they're acting just like the aspects that they hated on. Both personality wise, and in skate style.

I point this out, not from a condemning perspective, but from an understanding one: I get it. If someone has what you want, you feel bad for not having it.

But just imagine that a brand new skater was watching you do crossovers.

Reaction A: They tell a friend what a show off you are
Reaction B: They comment on how good you are at that skill, and ask you for help.

Would you help someone with Reaction A? Would you help someone with Reaction B?

My point is that it is totally possible to train yourself to skip the jealous reaction and go right to the Inspired Action. Praise, and ask for help.

Jealousy knocks both parties down. Inspiration lifts both up.

I think sometimes, on an individual level, we forget how much power each and every one of us has to effect that passion in all of us. What you do matters, and what you say to each other matters. 

I'm not a life coach, I'm a roller derby coach. I can't say what's best to live "normal life," because I don't even know what that means anymore. But I do know that this sport has the potential to effect how the entire world views women.

And, given that opportunity... wouldn't it be awesome if we lived up to that chance, and rose up for that occasion? Lifting ourselves and each other up... What could be more inspiring than that?


  1. I'm a new skater, but I hurt myself this summer during boot camp. I'm often envious of my friends who are skating and learning new skills because I can't right now, but I'm also thrilled that they are learning. I still have the crappy jealous feels, but I don't let my friends know.

  2. Great point Bonnie! I think this applies to most things in and get loved. Praise and get praised. Hate and be hated. What goes around does come around. Metaphysics! What you put out is like a ripple in the water....eventually it will bounce off the edge and come back....more powerful sometimes. Good ripples!

  3. Jealousy is a weird thing... As I was traveling, sailing down the coast of Mexico I couldn't help but feel jealous of my friends back home, some were graduating from Bootcamp to league, being recruited by teams, coaching the Jrs and then there was party pics on Facebook. I had to say it outloud and verbalize it to realize the insanity of my jealousy. Finally I was able to squash it, and be happy for my friends' progression in derby...

  4. I used to say that there was a good kind of jealous and a bad kind. I think I like this explanation better.

  5. I've been skating for about six months now, and haven't passed the test. I knew it would be slow going for me, because I'm really out of shape and have never been athletic. I'm improving all the time and try to keep a positive attitude. Since I started, however, three groups of girls have taken and passed the test. Every time, I'm happy for the new girls that I've trained with. I also, however, feel the jealousy. This is especially true as I watch them practice and scrimmage and practice with the team. I always remind myself that the jealousy is not about, and should not be directed toward, the girls. The jealousy is about my own feelings of inadequacy. I need to focus my energy on improving myself so I can join them!

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